Dear Tink:
You have been inordinately cuddly for the past 3 days, with a minimal amount of biting, clawing and trouble-causing. I know something is up.
If I have a terminal illness, just tell me. I can handle it.
-Woman Who Feeds You
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
May 28, 2014 1:37 p.m.
Dear Woman Who Feeds Me:
I cannot believe you are seriously complaining about me walking on top of the printer at night. You have been kvetching about that stupid printer being broken since my first day of confinement in this wretched place. I am doing my best to try to fix it so you will SHUT UP!!
I have checked every inch of it. I have jumped up and down on top of it. It makes exactly the irritating sound that it should, so that part is working. I have stretched my paw into the paper feeding tray and removed sheet after sheet of blank paper. So that part is fine. And I have personally tested each and every cord going into or out of the printer. They all taste like cords to me. I am stumped.
However, I will continue to investigate each night, in the hopes of uncovering something I may have missed. If you don't like it, go sleep somewhere else.
And speaking of annoying sounds ... please tell the Penny-Cat to stop her constant howling at the back door! You have never once let her go outside. I don't understand why she thinks howling is going to change that.
I'm off to scratch at the basement door, now. Maybe you will finally let me down there today.
-Tink
I cannot believe you are seriously complaining about me walking on top of the printer at night. You have been kvetching about that stupid printer being broken since my first day of confinement in this wretched place. I am doing my best to try to fix it so you will SHUT UP!!
I have checked every inch of it. I have jumped up and down on top of it. It makes exactly the irritating sound that it should, so that part is working. I have stretched my paw into the paper feeding tray and removed sheet after sheet of blank paper. So that part is fine. And I have personally tested each and every cord going into or out of the printer. They all taste like cords to me. I am stumped.
However, I will continue to investigate each night, in the hopes of uncovering something I may have missed. If you don't like it, go sleep somewhere else.
And speaking of annoying sounds ... please tell the Penny-Cat to stop her constant howling at the back door! You have never once let her go outside. I don't understand why she thinks howling is going to change that.
I'm off to scratch at the basement door, now. Maybe you will finally let me down there today.
-Tink
Friday, May 2, 2014
Wednesday, April 30, 2014 6:41 p.m.
Dear Tink:
I appreciate the fact that you are a crepuscular animal. I, on the other hand, am not. Please stop pacing back and forth on top of the printer at 4:00 a.m. Neither Strange Man, nor I, enjoy the sound of the feeder tray teetering precariously under your weight like a Tinker Trampoline. Coincidentally, it is the same sound a $100 bill makes leaving my hands and careening into the wallet of the printer repair guy.
If you insist on continuing your daily trek to the plastic paradise known as "HP," please do so during my normal waking hours: 11:00-11:20 a.m., 2:45-3:15 p.m., and midnight to 1:00 a.m. Please consider all other times to be Tinker Taboo.
Failure to abide by these rules will result in your immediate banishment from the sleeping area. To clarify, that means the human sleeping area. Given that every other inch of the house constitutes a feline sleeping area, banishment from all sleeping locations would be impractical. Unless I throw your ass outside. Which, I will admit, I have found tempting on more than one occasion.
You are on thin ice, little one. I would hate to see the ice beneath you crack, just as the printer is likely to do if you don't leave it alone.
Sincerely,
Woman Who Feeds You
I appreciate the fact that you are a crepuscular animal. I, on the other hand, am not. Please stop pacing back and forth on top of the printer at 4:00 a.m. Neither Strange Man, nor I, enjoy the sound of the feeder tray teetering precariously under your weight like a Tinker Trampoline. Coincidentally, it is the same sound a $100 bill makes leaving my hands and careening into the wallet of the printer repair guy.
If you insist on continuing your daily trek to the plastic paradise known as "HP," please do so during my normal waking hours: 11:00-11:20 a.m., 2:45-3:15 p.m., and midnight to 1:00 a.m. Please consider all other times to be Tinker Taboo.
Failure to abide by these rules will result in your immediate banishment from the sleeping area. To clarify, that means the human sleeping area. Given that every other inch of the house constitutes a feline sleeping area, banishment from all sleeping locations would be impractical. Unless I throw your ass outside. Which, I will admit, I have found tempting on more than one occasion.
You are on thin ice, little one. I would hate to see the ice beneath you crack, just as the printer is likely to do if you don't leave it alone.
Sincerely,
Woman Who Feeds You
Wednesday, March 12, 2014
March 12, 2014 2:14 p.m.
Oh, woman. You are so stupid.
My head was not "lodged"in the kleenex box. It was deliberately and strategically placed in the box so as to increase the width of my head. As you undoubtedly noticed, this resulted in a dramatic improvement in my KnockOver abilities. By simply scampering quickly in reverse, I was able to KnockOver several bottles of lotion, a cup of cranberry juice, the vaporizer, all the remote controls, and my personal favorite: that incredibly irritating squirt bottle.
You then attempted to convince me (rather emphatically, I might add) that I had "knocked over every single thing in this house!!" Though I appreciate your hollow attempt at praise, I think we both know this is inaccurate. There are many, many items I have yet to KnockOver. From now on, I will be concentrating on the coffee maker. It mocks me with its constant hissing.
Please replace the kleenex boxes so that I may continue using them. Otherwise, I shall be forced to attempt placing my head in the coffee jug.
-Tink
My head was not "lodged"in the kleenex box. It was deliberately and strategically placed in the box so as to increase the width of my head. As you undoubtedly noticed, this resulted in a dramatic improvement in my KnockOver abilities. By simply scampering quickly in reverse, I was able to KnockOver several bottles of lotion, a cup of cranberry juice, the vaporizer, all the remote controls, and my personal favorite: that incredibly irritating squirt bottle.
You then attempted to convince me (rather emphatically, I might add) that I had "knocked over every single thing in this house!!" Though I appreciate your hollow attempt at praise, I think we both know this is inaccurate. There are many, many items I have yet to KnockOver. From now on, I will be concentrating on the coffee maker. It mocks me with its constant hissing.
Please replace the kleenex boxes so that I may continue using them. Otherwise, I shall be forced to attempt placing my head in the coffee jug.
-Tink
Friday, February 21, 2014
February 21, 2014 10:14 p.m.
Dear Tink:
As I am sure you will recall (in fact, as I'm sure you will never, ever forget ...), yesterday your head became firmly lodged in the Kleenex box. (Perhaps this will teach you to leave the Kleenex alone, though I doubt it.)
I admit, it was hilarious; however, in the future, please wait until I have the video camera running before you attempt such a wonderful comic bit. Now the rest of the world will be unable to point and laugh at you, as I so enjoyed doing.
Oh, and if you wish to continue posting your blogs, I recommend you stop chewing on the internet cable. If you damage it, the internet could, at any time, simply stop wor
As I am sure you will recall (in fact, as I'm sure you will never, ever forget ...), yesterday your head became firmly lodged in the Kleenex box. (Perhaps this will teach you to leave the Kleenex alone, though I doubt it.)
I admit, it was hilarious; however, in the future, please wait until I have the video camera running before you attempt such a wonderful comic bit. Now the rest of the world will be unable to point and laugh at you, as I so enjoyed doing.
Oh, and if you wish to continue posting your blogs, I recommend you stop chewing on the internet cable. If you damage it, the internet could, at any time, simply stop wor
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
February 11, 2014 4:59 p.m.
Dear Tink:
Please stop knocking over my art supplies.
-Woman Who Feeds You
Dear Woman Who Feeds Me:
I will not stop knocking over the art supplies. Your art is garbage.
I will continue to knock them over until you learn to make use of the negative space. I am doing you and the entire art world a favor.
-Tink
Please stop knocking over my art supplies.
-Woman Who Feeds You
Dear Woman Who Feeds Me:
I will not stop knocking over the art supplies. Your art is garbage.
I will continue to knock them over until you learn to make use of the negative space. I am doing you and the entire art world a favor.
-Tink
Saturday, February 8, 2014
February 8, 2014 3:03 a.m.
Dear Woman Who Feeds Me:
Please tell Strange Man to stop trying to play The Water Bottle Game with me. When I was a Tinker-Toddler, I enjoyed trying to catch the water sprays in my mouth. But I am a Tinker-Teen now, and it is no longer cool.
To make things worse, Strange Man always wants to play Water Bottle when I am in the middle of something important, like traipsing across the kitchen counter, eating the silk flowers, or reminding the other kitties of my importance with an unprovoked smack on the nose. I have tried running away when Strange Man sprays me, but he does not seem to understand that I no longer wish to play the game.
Between you and me, I am beginning to think he is incapable of learning.
Also, please stop picking me up and kissing me in front of the other kitties. It's embarrassing. And just because I purr when you do it doesn't mean I don't think it's lame. Because I totally do.
-Tink
Please tell Strange Man to stop trying to play The Water Bottle Game with me. When I was a Tinker-Toddler, I enjoyed trying to catch the water sprays in my mouth. But I am a Tinker-Teen now, and it is no longer cool.
To make things worse, Strange Man always wants to play Water Bottle when I am in the middle of something important, like traipsing across the kitchen counter, eating the silk flowers, or reminding the other kitties of my importance with an unprovoked smack on the nose. I have tried running away when Strange Man sprays me, but he does not seem to understand that I no longer wish to play the game.
Between you and me, I am beginning to think he is incapable of learning.
Also, please stop picking me up and kissing me in front of the other kitties. It's embarrassing. And just because I purr when you do it doesn't mean I don't think it's lame. Because I totally do.
-Tink
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