Dear Woman Who Feeds Me:
I know there are kittens in this house. Two days ago, I distinctly heard "mewing" coming from the Harry Potter closet under the stairs. Yesterday, I caught the unmistakeable smell of "newborn feline" in the air. Plus, I saw them.
If you think for one minute that you are going to replace me with these mind-numbingly stupid creatures, just because they are tiny and cute and constantly purring .... then that is fantastic. Obviously you are experiencing the unfortunate, though sadly not uncommon, problem of prison overcrowding. I will happily volunteer to vacate the premises immediately so that you may accommodate these almost certainly slightly dangerous criminals.
Please return my personal effects to me and we will conclude our relationship - on bad terms.
-Tink
