Dear Woman Who Feeds Me:
It has not gone unnoticed that I am completely without suitable material for my Tinker-Tatters decor AND my Tinker-Tissue Toys. I have been unable to secure a single dirty kleenex, roll of toilet paper, paper towel, paper bag or piece of tissue paper in the last week. I know you are hiding them. This is unacceptable.
You will tell me where they are located immediately or I shall begin shredding the mail. I am not above using Tinker-Torture to secure this information. I am sharpening my Tinker-Talons. And waiting.
Speaking of Tinker-Torture, please tell Strange Man to stop trying to teach me this thing called "Patty Cake." It is a ridiculous game, and anyone who would make a cake out of someone named Patty is seriously disturbed.
-Tink
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