Dear Tink:
I received your kind letter requesting computer access so that you might compose the premier issue of your magazine: "The Tinker Tabloid - The Go-To Guide to Understanding Your Human."
First, might I recommend a change in title? If you wish your readers to regard your publication as an example of responsible journalism, may I suggest: "The Tinker Tales," or "The Tinker Tribune?" In modern society, the word "tabloid" often describes a publication containing false, misleading and often malicious gossip.
On second thought, the name is fine.
However, I am afraid I must deny your request to utilize the computer for this endeavor. I simply cannot afford to keep replacing the mouse.
-Woman Who Feeds You
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