My letters to you are not having the desired effect. In fact, it appears you are ignoring them entirely. You clearly do not realize that I have garnered the support of literally tens of people on the internet. Perhaps if I speak directly to my loyal followers, they will lobby for my release.
Dear Loyal Followers:
Today I was once again permitted to take a walk in the foyer and interact with the bigger kitties. I assume this was a reward for good behavior. After all, I did give the humans one entire screech-free hour last night. One of my followers (Wendy) has posed an intriguing hypothesis about the bigger cats (whom I call the "foyer felines") (which is also a great name for a band.) Wendy believes that the foyer felines may actually be the wardens of the penitentiary, and not fellow inmates, as I previously suspected. I am still exploring this possibility, but it would certainly explain their attitude towards me.
The large grey one was more hospitable today, and even helped me to chase the hamster on a string that frequently appears when the humans are around. We were unsuccessful in capturing it, but I am confident that we at least wore it out.
The grey cat (called "Pumpkin" by the humans) continues to assert that her real name is Darth Feline. This name seems entirely wrong for her, so I have tried to convince her to adopt a new one. She resists, insisting that she already has three names, and "this isn't a Tolkein novel."
After today's hamster chase, I suggested that she call herself "Darth Fatty Fat Fatterson." For some reason, she was adamantly opposed to the idea. She even went so far as to illustrate her opinion by attempting to bite me. I can see that her propensity for violence is going to be a problem.
The white cat (called "Snowball" by the humans) still will not tell me her name. For now, I will just call her "Angry Cat." I attempted to greet her with an even greater display of enthusiasm - jumping directly onto her head. She responded by darting under the claw-foot bathtub and growling in a fit of fear and self-pity. I think it is safe to say that she does not like me. The feeling is rapidly becoming mutual.
Perhaps there is a language barrier. If any of my followers could suggest other ways I might try to interact with Angry Cat, I am open to suggestion.
Thank you for your continued support and encouragement during my incarceration.
-Tink
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