Dear Woman Who Feeds Me:
Last night, I attempted to draft my first issue of The Tinker Tabloid - a publication to help kitties like me understand the baffling habits of their pet humans.
Unfortunately, the antique typewriter provided to me is completely inadequate. The keys keep attacking my paws and holding them hostage. Even my tail is in danger from the dinging roller thing. This simply will not do.
Please surrender your computer immediately. My readers demand it.
-Tink
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